Breaking the Silence on Internalised Ageism: How Our Words Shape Our Experience

“Your value doesn’t diminish with each birthday—a compliment that only celebrates youth quietly chips away at the power of ageing with pride."

Thursday, 9th October, marks Ageism Awareness Day, a topic deeply relevant to our community. Ageism does not discriminate—it affects people of every gender, race, and sexual orientation. While we often focus on how ageism manifests in society and the communities around us, I am particularly interested in what happens within us: the impact of internalised ageism and the way we absorb and carry negative beliefs about ageing.

Internalised ageism is the unconscious absorption of negative beliefs about ageing, leading people to apply stereotypes to themselves and others. Many women are unaware of how deeply these ideas shape self-image and everyday interactions, and raising the issue can cause discomfort, as seen when discussing these behaviours on social media or in community spaces.

What Internalised Ageism Looks Like

Internalised ageism often goes unnoticed because it shows up in subtle, routine ways. Some examples include:

• Accepting ageist compliments: Feeling proud when told “you look young for your age,” and taking it as positive reinforcement rather than recognising it implies ageing is a negative to hide.

• Self-deprecating remarks: Joking about “senior moments” or talking about being “past it,” which reinforces the idea that ageing naturally brings incompetence or irrelevance.

• Avoiding new opportunities: Dismissing chances to learn or try new things, believing “I’m too old” or “it’s too late for me,” limiting growth or enjoyment unnecessarily.

• Comparing oneself unfavourably with younger women: Judging appearance, worth, or capability by how closely one mirrors youth, instead of celebrating authentic self-expression at every age.

• Downplaying interests and achievements: Shrinking from conversations about hobbies, ambitions, or successes, assuming others won’t value them because of age.

Policing Each Other's Age

Women often unknowingly police each other’s behaviour and appearance with offhand comments or “teasing,” such as:

• “Should you really be wearing that at your age?”

• “You’re brave for letting your hair go grey.”

• “You don’t act your age.”

• “Aren’t you getting a bit old for that?”

• “You look amazing for your age!”—implying looking one’s age isn’t desirable.

These remarks keep ageist attitudes alive in community spaces, contributing to feelings of shame or divided solidarity among women.

How We Can Shift Our Language

Building awareness starts with noticing internal thoughts and spoken words—both to oneself and others.

• Challenge stereotypes: Pause when about to make, laugh at, or accept an age-related joke or “compliment.” Reflect on whether it’s based on a negative age stereotype.

• Choose affirming language: Talk about strengths, achievements, and experiences that come with age, and speak up for diverse representations of womanhood.

• Support each other: Refuse to make or enable rude or “teasing” comments about age in social circles, and encourage honest conversations about feelings and fears related to ageing.

• Notice self-talk: Replace negative or limiting ideas (“I’m too old for this”) with curiosity and openness (“I’d like to try this and see what happens”).

Internalised ageism can only lose its power as more women recognise and challenge the way it affects language, choices, and relationships. Collective awareness fosters a more accepting and empowered community for people of all ages.

Throughout October, two important topics that affect women in midlife and beyond are highlighted: Ageism Awareness Day on October 9th and World Menopause Month throughout the entire month.

Join me as we explore these critical subjects. Be sure to take part in our Menopause Masterclass, designed for all women, including those who are post-menopausal.