Claiming Your Place: Overcoming Internalised Barriers to Belonging

“Belonging begins when we dare to show up as we are, trusting that our presence, in all its uniqueness, matters.  

Entering midlife and beyond often means standing at a crossroads: the world may see us as wise, accomplished, and resilient, yet many of us carry quiet feelings of invisibility, doubt, or not quite fitting in. Through my work with Silver Sirens and as a therapist, I meet so many brilliant women whose longing for genuine belonging is tangled with internalised messages—often picked up from society, family, or lifelong experiences—that whisper they don't quite measure up.

Why Belonging Feels So Elusive

For women in their fifties, sixties, and seventies, questions of "Where do I fit?" can resurface. Ageism, shifting family roles, and even our own inner critic can make it hard to claim community with confidence. Sometimes, old beliefs—like "I'm too different," "I'm not interesting enough," or "It's too late for me"—can keep us on the margins, even when a warm, supportive circle is within reach.

Case Study 1: Sarah’s Story

Sarah, a vibrant woman in her late fifties, recently joined Silver Sirens, feeling isolated after retiring from her corporate career. Despite her impressive achievements, she described feeling "invisible in a crowd" and hesitated to put herself forward in group settings. Sarah realised that, from a young age, she’d absorbed the idea that she was "too quiet to matter" and feared that others wouldn’t value her presence.

Through a blend of gentle group activities and reflective dialogues in the Silver Sirens community, Sarah began to challenge these narratives. By taking small risks—such as sharing her artwork at an event or speaking up in a discussion—she experienced a shift. Each positive interaction chipped away at her old belief, allowing her to slowly inhabit her place with greater courage and ownership.

Case Study 2: Helen’s Journey

Helen, a client in her early sixties, spent decades believing that she would never fit in. Raised in a family that discouraged her ambitions and later navigating a tough divorce, she carried a deep-seated sense that community was "for other people." In therapy, we unearthed how these old wounds shaped her social life, often leading her to withdraw to protect herself from rejection.

 When Helen attended her first Silver Sirens gathering, she worried she would feel out of place. Instead, she was greeted with warmth. Guided exercises and intentional conversations within the group helped Helen see that her story and presence were not just accepted but valued. With time, she’s begun to rewrite her inner script: it’s not only possible to belong, but she is worthy of it exactly as she is—messy, real, and wise.

How We Claim Our Place

Belonging starts inside, by befriending the parts of ourselves that learned to hide. Community—when it’s rooted in acceptance and shared growth—becomes a place where those parts can be gently welcomed into the light.

If you’re feeling hesitant or unsure about claiming your place, you are not alone. Midlife is the perfect time to challenge old narratives and step toward connection, even if it feels intimidating. In Silver Sirens, we honour your uniqueness, celebrate your story, and walk with you as you dismantle the barriers to truly belonging.

To finish, I would like you to reflect on the following questions.

 

• In what ways have old beliefs or past experiences shaped your sense of belonging, especially in midlife or later years?

• What small step could you take this week to move closer to a community or environment where you feel seen and valued?

• How might you gently challenge the inner voice that says you don’t belong, and instead nurture one that embraces your unique story and contributions?