"Marrying late is better than marrying wrong"
Relationship & Love Quotes
My partner and I got married on Sunday. We've been together for 7 years and it would be his second time down the aisle but my first.
Choosing my outfit, holding the bouquet, and staring lovingly into each his eyes as he placed the ring on my finger met all my expectations.
If you're wondering why you're just hearing about this it's because the marriage was a fake one for our dear friend who's a marriage celebrant's website. So the truth is I'm still yet to be a bride.
Although I've never been married, I've had two engagements. I would like to dress it up and call myself the runaway bride but the truth is one of the would-be grooms changed his mind and the other time, I ended the relationship because I was too commitment-phobic at the time to follow through.
Like the quote above, looking back I know I did the right thing. I don't believe that I would have had a lasting marriage with either of my fiances. So it looks like I am going to be a first-time bride in midlife or maybe even in old age as my partner and I are not in a hurry to tie the knot.
Marriage for the first time in midlife can present unique challenges compared to marrying at a younger age. Some of the challenges that individuals may face include:
1. Established routines and independence: By midlife, most of us have well-established routines, habits, and a sense of independence. Adjusting to sharing our life and space with a partner can require flexibility and compromise both of which can be challenging at midlife.
2. Financial considerations: Many of us have established financial responsibilities, such as mortgages, retirement plans, or supporting children from previous relationships. Combining finances and making joint financial decisions can be complex and require open communication and planning.
My partner and I have been seeing a financial planner for over six months in preparation for living together. I'm glad that we're doing this before marrying.
3. Blended families: Many people entering marriage in midlife may have children from previous relationships. Navigating the dynamics of a blended family, including co-parenting, step-parenting, and managing different parenting styles, can be challenging and require patience, understanding, and effective communication.
4. Different life experiences and expectations: People in midlife may have had different life experiences, priorities, and expectations compared to younger individuals. It is important to openly discuss and align expectations regarding career goals, retirement plans, lifestyle choices, and personal growth to ensure compatibility and avoid potential conflicts.
5. Health considerations: As we age, health concerns may become more prevalent. Supporting each other through health challenges, making lifestyle adjustments, and planning for potential future care needs can be important considerations in midlife marriages.
6. Identity and self-discovery: Midlife often brings a period of self-reflection and self-discovery. Many of us will be questioning our life choices, goals, and personal values. Entering a marriage during this phase requires open communication and understanding as both partners navigate their individual growth and changes.
It is important for couples entering marriage in midlife to have open and honest communication, a willingness to adapt and compromise, and a commitment to supporting each other through the unique challenges that may arise. Seeking professional guidance, such as couples therapy, can also be beneficial in navigating these challenges and building a strong foundation for a successful marriage.
What about women who do not want to marry? We cannot make assumptions that marriage is the goal for anyone at any age. Early this morning a friend shared a video of a woman in midlife who married herself after a lack of success in finding a partner. This phenomenon is called sologamy.
Sologamy or autogamy is marriage by a person to themself. Supporters of the practice argue that it affirms one's own value and leads to a happier life. Critics argue that the practice is not legally binding unlike traditional marriage and that the practice may be rooted in narcissism and self-aggrandizement.
I'm all for it, we know that self-love and self-acceptance are key to forming healthy loving relationships so this may be the ideal pathway into marriage for some people. For others, affirming their own worth may be all they need to feel fulfilled and complete.
Finally, some pursue sologamy as a rejection of societal norms, and others choose to engage in an alternate form of reality.
YOU CAN'T HURRY LOVE
Except from "You can't Hurry Love", written by Monique Butterworth for Australian Seniors
Marianne Longworth always wanted to get married. She just never thought it would happen in her 50s. “I kind of saw myself just being single, really,” laughs Marianne, 56. “I regret not meeting Peter when I was younger because I think we would’ve had children – the whole marriage, two kids, house scenario.”
First-time bride after 50.
First-time bride Marianne (pictured above) tied the knot with first-time groom Peter Longworth, 58, on 17 November 2019 at Sydney’s Royal Motor Yacht Club of NSW in Point Piper. Bookmaker Peter and Marianne, head designer for Goondiwindi Cotton, met through a mutual friend 16 years ago.
“There was always an attraction. I remember he walked past me and said, ‘Oh you’re trouble’ and I looked at him and thought, ‘I’m quite interested in you!’ But he wasn’t interested in me. There was something about Peter from the moment I met him, I felt he was ‘the one’. Which is odd!” admits Marianne. “He was very much a bachelor. He rang me because he needed help with something and as a thank you, he took me out for dinner."
“It grew from that, and we started dating six years ago. He was really slow to make a commitment. Even his mother said, ‘If he doesn’t propose to you, I want you to walk away from him!’”
Peter finally proposed to Marianne on the eve of her 54th birthday in April 2019. “On my birthday we went out to dinner with Peter’s mother and we told her our news. She was so excited; she literally told the whole restaurant!”
Coming from a Catholic background, Peter felt pressured to have a church wedding but decided on a civil ceremony. “We wanted a wedding that was like a party, and it was,” says Marianne. “According to everyone who came to our wedding, it was one of the best weddings they had ever been to. We had 120 guests, and the food was amazing.
“We had the ceremony and reception in the same venue. Apparently, I bolted up the aisle. Everything was so organised, I got to the ceremony and suddenly I was like, ‘Oh my god, I’m actually getting married.’ I really hadn’t given it a thought.”
A casual approach to getting married as an over 50
Marianne says she was so laid-back about everything she didn’t even have her wedding dress until six weeks before the big day. “I didn’t want anything too bridal, but I also wanted something that didn’t say ‘mother of the bride’,” she says. “I used to manufacture in Bali, so while I was holidaying there, I had a full-length beaded lace coat with a cream silk slip to wear underneath made for me.”